When TTC takes over....

So here I am, more than a year of trying for a third child. I am on that road that ends very near; I have done nearly everything I can do to increase my chances of a healthy successful pregnancy. I have taken vitamins nonstop daily; both pre natal’s and a Folic Acid supplement. I have drunken 8oz of Pomegranate juice daily in an effort to increase my uterine lining and stopped drinking caffeine and alcohol for a period. I have taken my temperature everyday for the last 6 months at the same time every morning to determine my ovulation time, taken Ovulation Prediction Kits – OPKs the last three months so see when my (surge) peak time is, and have completely for the most part forgot what it’s like to enjoy sex, instead settling for a quickie in an effort to get as many swimmers in as possible. I forgo going to the gym thinking that working out to hard in the two week wait might make me have a miscarriage (completely irrational and untrue I know).

Having another child has in essence taken over my life. I’m constantly on baby mode. During fertile week I think of quickies, during the time after the fertile week and ovulation I’m in the two week wait and wondering if this is our month, constantly watching my temperatures and if they’re going up or down, if there’s a pattern, wondering if between days 6 and 10 if I’ll have a dip in temperatures (a hopeful implantation dip), when it’s not our month and my menstrual cycle starts again, I’m heartbroken and tears fall…..after a day or two when I’m use to the dreaded bitch and her ugly face, all I can think about is the next 12-17 days when we can “try” again.

It kills me to see a pregnant woman, to walk past a baby store, and sometimes to look at a calendar at the dates of what was and what should have been. It aggravates me to hear people tell me what I should do, what I should have done, and their “words of encouragement”; maybe it’s not meant to be, maybe it’s not in God’s plan. I have gone through grief, bitterness, hate, and anger, however now I’m just at a loss. I know, aside from seeing doctors and fertility specialists (which we will not do), I have done everything I can…….and so we wait and I obsess.

There for the right reasons?

Our first night of training we had a big opening dinner, and like all orientations we were asked to introduce ourselves, tell something unique about ourselves and why we were there, why we wanted to go to Afghanistan. “My name is Marie, I’m an amateur photography and if I do say so myself I’m pretty good at it. I’m here because I’ve been involved in one way or another with the military community since becoming a military wife, and I’d like to experience a little bit of what my husband has gone through on his four overseas deployments including Afghanistan, while at the same time supporting our troops”. Supporting our troops became a standard answer that night, there were a few military wives like myself, a few ex military, and some that had just come across the ad, or heard through a friend etc....


There were also a few college and high school graduates. Not many were honest in their answers as to why they were there, but a few, very few were annoyingly honest and said they were there for the money. Now being there to make a few extra dollars isn’t necessarily a bad thing if you’re willing to do your job to the best of your ability, knowing that the job you have in front of you is like no other and requires to go above and beyond, most of which those that were there for the money weren’t willing to do. You knew right off the bat once you starting working who was there and for what reason. You could tell by who would go the extra mile, who would make a quick phone call to another store for a soldier who was only in KAF for the day, but really wanted something that our current store was out of, who would take the time during slow peaks in Tim Horton’s to put a smile on a cup, or who would make fresh coffee at the Canada Houses before the first pot ran out. You could tell who were there for the right reasons just by the little things they did. There were people there looking to pay off their college and university loans, wanting to buy a car, and those that were there looking for love.


LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES


Looking for love in a place such as KAF is a little unusual. Once there, you go into a survival mode of sorts. For me, and for every soldier I have spoken to, you get into some sort of a routine while overseas. Go eat, go work, go to the gym, eat again, watch a movie, eat again, hang out with friends, email home. It’s what keeps you busy, keeps you sane and keeps you from missing home and missing your loved one.


While it’s true you might find someone there you share a unique connection with, share similarities with, or share a common bond when it comes to hobbies or life goals, it goes without saying that under most circumstances you will not find your life long partner or your forever BFF. This goes for both men and women, those who are friends and those you wish to become more than just friends with. You begin living day by day, and after awhile you’re waiting for the day you can go home, and catch a break. And since not every soldier or civilian is there for the same amount of time, American soldiers are overseas for a minimum usually of 15 months for example, while Canadians are overseas for a minimum of 6, their reasons for companionship are become different.


As with everything, nothing is impossible. I know of one couple that has got married since returning and one couple that is now living together. I, am back where I belong.

Ya so um I obviously haven't updated in awhile....

I swear the updates are coming.......

Call me lazy, crazy, uninspired, call me whatever you want, I swear the updates and words of wisdom are coming, soon.